November Happenings with Dad

November 2013 is now a memory. Here are some of the happenings we shared with Dad during the month.

November 16th (from my journal): "Our visit with Dad went well. He was awake and dressed but in bed when we arrived. His dinner tray was on his table but he didn't seem to have eaten much. With some encouragement and help he ate more. Called Joyce but she was sick and couldn't talk long."

November 21: Quarterly Care Meeting was held today. Since Shelley and I could not attend in person we had a phone conference instead with the staff. However, Tabitha and Venice were able to attend in person and that was a great help!

Dad is doing well considering how the Alzheimer's is slowly advancing. We agreed to take turns paying for Dad's podiatry care because his insurance covers the care every 60 days and he needs it to be done every 30 days. We also agreed to buy him some new slippers since his original shoes have somehow disappeared (we wrote his name on the new shoes to hopefully avoid "getting lost"). All our concerns were addressed.

After the meeting Tabitha and Venice visited with Dad. Dad loves children and especially babies. He always has a big smile for Venice, his great-granddaughter, when she visits. This time, however, Dad started to cry, which resulted in Venice crying too. Tabitha explained to Dad that if he stopped crying so would Venice. It worked! They both stopped crying.

November 24th: Lunch with Dad. Shelley, Tabitha, Venice and I enjoyed a two-hour lunch with Dad. Here is a short video of our luncheon.

Thanks for reading and watching!

An Eventful October

Long gone is the annual early morning call on the 11^th from Dad, taking advantage of the two hour time difference between Texas and California. Also gone are intact memories of family, friends and the events that he cherished. Now his days fluctuate between aggressive anger to uncontrollable crying with moments of laughter.

However, our visit with Dad on Saturday the 12^th, he outwardly seemed his old self. He was in a good mood, smiling as we entered his room. He wasn't quite sure who we were but he was happy to see us. This was a good time to call his daughter Joyce so she too could experience Dad’s good mood. After talking with Joyce he remained receptive to talking so I called his son Bruce. They talked and laughed. Then he got tired so we left. It was a good day and visit for us all.

Dad’s Visit to the Dentist

Ten days later, Dad had a scheduled dentist appointment for a tooth extraction. Shelley and I went to the nursing home before his 11:00 a.m. appointment to make sure everything was in order and see what kind of mood he was in. Previous dentist visits have taken place at the nursing home and at the last visit he became very aggressive to the point where the exam could not be completed. This time he would be transported by ambulance to the dentist office the next town up the 101 in Novato.  I had a restless night trying to plan for every possible scenario we might have to deal with. That was futile.

When we arrived at the nursing home, Dad was dressed, sitting in his wheelchair in the main dining room with other residents. I went in to see how he was doing and I got the now typical, “Who are you?” look. I just started talking as if we’d been talking for a while. As we were talking, he was looking at someone across the room. I could tell something was up as he locked on the person with an angry look. Dad yelled across the room, “What are you looking at?” Everyone in the dining room looked at Dad. To diffuse the situation I told Dad, “He’s looking at you because you have a pretty face.” Dad instantly started laughing and everyone went back to whatever they were doing. Confrontation averted.

The ambulance arrived and the two paramedics worked well with Dad getting him onto the gurney but, upon arrival at the dentist office, Dad started getting upset. He wouldn't let them take the seat-belt off, he yelled, “Get your hand off there!” The paramedics asked Shelley to come help him calm down. Shelley first said, “Dad you have to let go.” He just looked at her with a frightened look. Then Shelley said, “David, you need to let go so they can help you.” And he did but kept complaining that it was cold. It was quite a process for the paramedics to get him from the gurney to the wheelchair then on to the dentist chair. Shelley held his hand through the ordeal, while I was handling the paperwork at the reception desk. Shelley stayed with Dad up to when the IV was administered with the anesthesia. Then the dentist took over. Dad was so scared.

 

Shelley trying to wake Dad after the procedure.

The procedure went well and Dad slowly woke up from the anesthesia. The paramedics got him ready for the return trip to the nursing home. It was exhausting!

Four days later we visited Dad. He seemed very agitated and confused. His laughing/crying moments bordered on hysterical at times. I called Joyce but their conversation was difficult. Dad was very distracted. A little later he showed signs of not wanting visitors so we said good night and left his room. A few seconds later, while we were in the lobby, we could hear Dad babbling loudly. It was very distressful but that is what life is like when a loved one is dealing with Alzheimer’s.  

Dad showing us the butter.

Dad's "Robin Williams" smile for the camera.

Talking to Joyce.

Laughing with Joyce.

Me getting tired holding the phone while talking to Joyce.

An nursing home "Oh well" -
Dad's dinner order states, dislikes green beans.
Notice what he got with his dinner.
Oh well...

Four Generations

On Thursday, August 22, we met with the Pine Ridge staff that takes care of Dad for our regular Quarterly Care Meeting. Considering all Dad is dealing with, he is doing quite well. He is eating most of his meals and often eats in the dining room with other residents. He is maintaining his weight at about 130 lbs. He is mobile in a special wheel chair and he looks good.

After the meeting, four generations visited and Dad met one of his six great-granddaughters for the first time. Dad was in a fairly good mood but, as you will see in the video, he has moments where he has a blank look or stare, like he is lost somewhere in time. Enjoy the video and thanks for your interest in following my Dad's battle with Alzheimer's.

Dad with Tabitha and Venice

Dad Turned 85 This Year!

Two months have flashed by since my last update! Time...a valuable and limited resource. For my Dad, time is but fragments of a full life he once knew. He no longer knows what year or day it is; all he knows is that something is wrong. "I don't know what's happening," he says every time we visit him. Yet, there are many positives! He still smiles, laughs, frowns, gives a certain roommate the "evil eye," cries (he cries a lot), enjoys eating, gets caught up in an infomercial, argues, and thanks us for visiting.

Here are some of my journal entries since my last post:

June 1: Dad's was not in a good mood when we arrived and he stayed that way throughout our visit. He was upset that I took is his picture. I called Joyce and he started to weep. He kept closing his eyes, I thinks he wants us to go away.

June 12: We arrived around 5:30 p.m., just before his dinner arrived. I didn't get a welcoming smile, just a mean, serious stare. I just talked to him as if we'd been talking all day. We help him with his dinner and leave..."Be careful" he says.

June 19: Today Dad turned 85 and I stopped by to see him before leaving for Portland, Oregon. It is very early in the morning and Dad is sleeping. I just watch him, give him a kiss and leave.

July 9: Had a great visit with Dad. When Shelley entered the room he greeted her as "mija." He was very talkative too. I called Aunt Noemi (his sister) and they spoke and cried. This was an "as good as it gets visit!"

Such is life with Dad these days and I'm happy that I still have him!

Here is a short video of Dad's early life and later years:

He Knows We Are Family

Whenever I visit Dad I am usually greeted with a look of confusion and defensiveness in his body language. I see the confusion in his eyes as he tries to figure out who I am. His defensiveness is reflected in his readiness to argue or fight with me (hands in a fist). However, once I start talking to him his face slowly becomes relaxed and his attitude begins to soften. He may not remember my name or my relationship to him, but he knows I'm family.

Over the years since Alzheimer's taken hold of his memory, I have been his father, uncle, cousin, and son, usually in that order. When he looks at Shelley, my wife, he tends to treat her like a nurse or CNA at first. When I ask him if he'd like me to call his daughter for a chat, he responds with, "my daughter?" Yet within minutes of conversation, he begins to speak with ease and will use terms like, "mija" or "mijo" and that's why I believe he knows we are family.

Here are some photos from our visit yesterday evening (May 11, 2013):

Dad making me laugh while talking with Joyce.

Dad checking out what's going on down the hall.

Dad smiling for Joyce.

Dad looking out the window watching cars go by saying,
"There goes another one!" or  " They sure go fast."

Shelley thinking, "Will you stop taking my photo!"

These birds joined in our conversation to which Dad said,
"Shut up!"

Why I Visit Dad

Yesterday evening, Shelley and I visited my Dad. He was sleeping when I entered his room so I nudged him awake. As usual, he didn't recognize me at first so I just talked to him as if we'd been talking all along. I told him I'd spoken to Joyce, his daughter, earlier in the day and told him about Joyce's visit with his sister's Noemi and Rebecca. I explained how they are doing well (they're not) and he was happy to hear they are well and he started to cry. I then called Joyce so she could hear Dad's voice and talk to him. They talked, he cried.

My visit with Dad yesterday is typical of what our visits are like. I've been asked why I visit my Dad when he doesn't usually recognize me or know what's going on with the loved ones in his life. My answer is simple, I visit my Dad because I know who he is and what he was. I respect his life and I want to keep his memory alive for others in the family who will not get to know him as I have.

Dad's Rich Life

I thought I would share with you all some of my Dad's life events. In today's blog I will take you back to the family home he helped build with his parents and siblings.

This is a photo of my grandfather, my dad, his sibling, and other  friends who helped build the family home in the early 1930s. They built it from scraps of other homes that had been torn down and my grandfather bought the materials and slowly built the family home. From my perspective it was an estate.

This is the completed family home. This photo was taken in the late 1950s.

Working on the family home was an on-going project. My grandfather was always adding something new or improving an existing feature of the house and grounds. This photo is of my dad working on the driveway curb in the 1940s.

Here is the family having fun together after a rare snowfall. From left to right is my Dad, his sister Noemi holding Patsy, the youngest of the siblings, sister Rebecca, a friend/relative I can't remember, and finally his brother's Paul and Joe.

Here are Dad's parents enjoying an evening on their front porch. I have fond memories of my grandmother telling stories of her childhood growing up in a ranch in Lockhart, Texas. She would also sing songs to us that spoke of life. Sitting with my grandparents is my Aunt Becky, she became my godmother when I was born.

Here I am with my cousins in the yard of the family "estate." Behind us are grapes growing on the  wood frame and a pecan tree. We are sitting on a concrete table and bench my grandfather built for outdoor eating. Sitting on the table is my brother Bruce, and me holding my cousin Daniel. Seated on the bench is my sister Joyce, cousin Elsa, and cousin Xavier.

There are many happy memories built around the family home in San Antonio, Texas. Today the home is over 70 years old and is occupied by my Uncle Joe. The Beatles lyrics, In My Life, hold true...

"There are places I remember

All my life, though some have changed

Some forever not for better

Some have gone and some remain

All these place have their moments

With lovers and friends I still can recall

Some are dead and some are living

In my life I've loved them all"

"Not a Cloud in the Sky!"

When Dad was living with me, prior to the nursing home, he would often sit outside on a bench by the Community Center and stare at the sky saying, "there's not a cloud in the sky." And, as is common with Alzheimer's patients, he would repeat the phrase many, many times.

This is the view from the bench Dad would sit at and say, "There's not a cloud in the sky."

Yesterday, Shelley and I visited Dad at his dinner time. We had our usual conversation, I passed on greetings from family, I told him everyone is doing fine, and we talked about the weather. "Today," I told him while speaking to his daughter on the phone, "is a beautiful day, there's not a cloud in the sky." He chuckled and repeated what I'd said to Joyce. His chuckle was as if he remembered something funny from his past and I hope he had a brief moment of memory when he would sit at the bench and stare at the sky.

Medical Update

Today we had our quarterly "care conference" meeting with the nursing home staff to review and discuss Dad's care from the previous quarter. I am happy to report that he is doing great physically, however his mental condition continues to decline. His current weight is 128 lbs., which is an increase of 5 lbs. from a year ago. He's had his hearing tested (doing good), nails clipped (they needed it), ears washed (got rid of the wax), and had his teeth cleaned.

This past January Dad had a follow-up visit with his neurologist and confirmed his steady mental decline. The doctor made some adjustments to his medications to help him keep a "normal" routine (awake by day, asleep by night). The adjustment is working.

Here is Dad waiting to see his neurologist last month.

That's my update for now; thanks for reading!

Time is Taking its Toll

As 2013 begins I reflect on the three and a half years that have past since Dad has come to California. In preparation for Dad’s coming to live with me and my wife, we had read as much as we could about Alzheimer’s and what to expect as Dad progresses through the stages. This first month of 2013 has shown me that time has taken its toll on Dad.

January 1, 2013: We visited Dad today and were very happy to see him dressed and out of bed. He was in a very chatty mood conversing in both English and Spanish and, regardless of the language, what he said made no sense. He used words and sentences but there was no comprehension by his listeners. However, the expressions he had as he spoke indicated that what he was saying meant something to him.

January 5, 2013: When we arrived at Dad’s nursing home today, I found him sitting in a wheelchair at the nurse’s station. As I approached him, he seemed much disoriented and did not recognize me. His CNA wheeled him back to his room to clean him up and so we could visit with him. Our entire visit consisted of listening to him babble and watching him slap his forehead. This behavior is becoming more common now as we slowly watch him being consumed by this terrible disease. This is the worst I have seen Dad in the last three and a half years.

Who knows how 2013 will turn out but I do know that time is taking its toll.

Here are some photos and a video taken in the past few weeks:

This is Dad on January 1, 2013

Dad was wearing this T-shirt at one visit

This video is of our visit on January 1, 2013