I Turned 104 Today!

Time sure flies by while getting old!

Today I turned a 104. How did I advance in age so quickly? Well, here's what happened, today being Monday is a visit to Primrose day for Dad. During our drive to Primrose, Dad was very quiet, looking out the window and trying to make sense of things. When we arrived at the Primrose parking lot, he looked at the building and recognized where he was and that's a good thing. We took our usual walk to the building where he stays during his visit there.

As we entered the building, we walked to the kitchen where the Director and an other employee were doing some work. They looked at Dad and give him his usual welcome, "Hi Dave! How are you?" Dad similes and asks, "Have you met my Dad?" And he looks over to me. For a split second everyone assess to see if he's joking or serious. It is very clear from his body language that he is serious. The Director responses to Dad with a big simile and says, "Why yes, we've met." And Dad says, "Oh, good." And he goes and takes his place with the others. Those of you who know my Dad well, know when he is serious and when he's joking. He was serious this morning.

So that's how I aged to 104 today, the age my grandfather would have been if he were still alive. It's not fun getting old...

Dad's Parents (He keeps this photo in his wallet)

Conversations with Dad

Conversation 1: The time is 12:30 a.m. and I hear Dad in the dining room so I get out of  bed to go check on him. He's just sitting in the dining room in the dark waiting. I startle him when I enter the room and ask him what's going on. He said, "I'm waiting to get a ride home." I replied with, "You are home and it's 12:30 in the morning, go back to your room and go to sleep, I'm going to the bathroom." He says okay and gets up from the chair and he heads towards his room. I go to the bathroom. While in the bathroom I hear the bells on the front door jiggling (the bells are there to alert us when he's trying to go out the door). In my mind I'm saying "damn, damn!" So I hurry and you know how that goes when you try to hurry. Fortunately, Shelley heard the bells too and she took over dealing with Dad. I went back to bed and Shelley spoke with him to calm him down and reassure him.

Conversation 2: It is now 2:20 a.m. and I hear Dad in the dining room again. Once again I get out of bed to go check on him and as I do so Shelley whispers, "Be patient." I enter the dining room and ask Dad, "What's going on?" He asks me if I have the number for his home on Ceralvo Street, "So I can call someone to come and get me." (Dad has not lived on Ceralvo Street since 1969.) Heeding Shelley's advice, I sit down to talk to him. Dad proceeds to tell that his army buddies have been furloughed and are heading home and he wants to go home too. I tell him that San Antonio is about 2,000 miles away and that he is staying with us now. Dad continues the conversation by telling about his day at Primrose. He tells me about the different people there and how they all speak different languages. He says he thinks they all have the same problem with "This "dementia stuff that doesn't help him one bit."

Now about 20 minutes into conversation 2, Dad asks me if I knew where "Jay was taking the car load of cousins?" I now realize he does not know that he is speaking to me, his son. I'd been expecting this to eventually happen but I was still not emotionally prepared as I held back tears. A few minutes later he's taking to me again with the realization that I am his son.

He continues to speak to me about his thoughts on people and their differences. I am surprised to hear his prejudices and stereotypes about different ethnic groups and his explanation of why they are "that way." It is now 3:00 a.m. and I can hardly stay awake. I suggest we go to bed and continue our conversation in the morning. He agrees and goes to bed, this time escort him to his room.

Conversation 3: It is now 11:15 a.m. and I wake Dad up so he can eat his breakfast. As he walks to the dining table I ask him about our conversation earlier this morning. He looks at me puzzled and says, "What conversation?"

For some unknown reason Dad has had a rough few days and has been quite agitated. He even had "words" with the relative of one of his Primrose cohorts during a social event at the facility. It is now 3:00 p.m. and he is sitting watching TV. I'm writing this post trying to keep from falling asleep...

Dad laughing because he forgot to comb his hair after his shower.

Dad's Happy Place

My previous post on November 3rd told of Dad's first day at Primrose and how not an hour after coming back home he'd forgotten the whole experience - typical for his condition. Now it is Sunday and tomorrow he will go back to Primrose for his 8th visit of November. And what a difference a month makes!

The pattern of going to Primrose is somewhat established with him in that when we arrive at the facility he instinctively knows where to go. As we approach the building where he stays, you can see him start to smile as he knows he is going someplace where he's had a good time - his "happy place."

The family members that have gone with me to drop-off/pick-up Dad see the difference. While at Primrose he is with, as he puts it, "the old people," his peers, and he knows he'll have some fun. And fun he does have according to my own observations and report I've received from the staff.

Here are some photos of the staff, and Dad participating in the activities:

The wonderful staff with Ortencia Angotti, the Day Club Director in the center of the photo.

Notice how goes opposite of everyone else?

Can you see Dad? He's in the middle of the photo being a clown with his cap turned sideways.

Time to go!

Dad's First Day at Primrose

First of all, let me introduce you to Primrose, Alzheimer's specialists providing services for individuals and their families. Click on Primrose to read more about this wonderful organization from their website. The part of the program that Dad is participating in is the adult day care. Every Monday and Wednesday for the month of November, I will take Dad to the facility where he will spend 5 hours participating in various activities with a well-trained staff and his peers.

Prior to enrolling him, we had visited the facility and met the staff. We also had lunch with other persons suffering from dementia/Alzheimer's and members of their families. We got to see the program in action as well as check out the grounds and facility. We were very impressed (if you haven't already done so; please check out their website). So we felt Dad would benefit from the interaction and we enrolled him.

Today, Wednesday, November 3rd was his first day. I had no problem getting him to go because I explained that participating in the program would help "exercise" his brain and perhaps slow down the progression of the dementia. I dropped him off at 11:30 a.m. where the staff greeted him by his first name and spoke to him in Spanish, which he enjoyed very much...especially since they were young ladies and you all know how much of a flirt he can be!!

When I arrived at 4:30 p.m. to bring him home, he was at the computer working with one of the staff. They were playing a memory game. Dad scored 89 out of 100, which is pretty darn good. He even mentioned to the staff person that he had done this before (which he had when we went on the facility tour). The Director told me he'd had a very active day. They played music and he even danced quite a bit (he told me his feet were sore) and played some cards too. I was very pleased with the way the day turned out for him.

When we arrived home, you could tell he was very tired. We had dinner at 5:30 p.m., about an hour after leaving Primrose. I expressed to him how pleased I was that he had participated and, from all the reports I had received, indicated he'd had a great time.

He sat at the table and looked at me very confused and asked, "When did I do all this?" I said, "Today." He put his head down then after a few moments he looked up at me and said, "I don't remember doing any of this. Are you sure this happened today?"

It breaks my heart that all the experiences he has been having since living with us are just temporary and then forgotten.

Each Day Brings Something New...and Old

Anyone who has ever spoken to a person with dementia knows that you will hear the same story told over and over and over. In time, you will notice slight variations to the story, usually the combining of other stories or current events of the day.

There are moments when speaking with dad that what he says is down right accurate. He will seem to be sharp and catches on to innuendos and you think,"Is he getting better?" Then, in a matter of seconds, you realize the condition is, in fact, getting worse. 

This morning, 12:15 a.m. to be exact, I was awakened from my 45 minutes of sleep to hear dad in the dining room. I got up to check on him and asked him what was going on. He said, "Someone called me to breakfast." Half awake, I responded with, "Breakfast won't be ready for another 10 hours." Then I had to go to the bathroom. Meanwhile, Shelley tried to get him back to bed and he resisted. He didn't want to take of his coat, cap, and shoes. He finally got back to sleep and just a few minutes ago he got up and does not remember a thing.

Does anyone know where I can buy patience pills?

Here is a couple of current photos of dad sitting on our front porch after having his hair cut.

I think he likes having his picture taken!

On another sad note, Shelley and I wish to express our sympathy to Aunt Becky and family for the loss of Gene, her husband. We love you.

As Time Goes By...

A lot has happened since my last update. First of all Dad spent September 9th through 13th at Bruce & Bonnie's place in Redwood City. The trip got off to a rocky start when just prior to driving him over to Bruce's, Dad's upper dentures broke in-half. Bonnie made arrangements with their dentist to get them repaired and was able to get his a good discount. On their way back from the dentist, Dad was going up the stairs from their garage to the living room when he fell backwards down the stairs! They all spent most of Saturday in the Emergency Room at a local hospital and after tests, x-rays, etc., the results showed no broken bones or concussion. A few days later when he was back with us in Santa Rosa, we took him for a follow-up with his regular doctor. He still has soreness in his right shoulder and if it doesn't get better in about 2 weeks, he may need some physical therapy. Overall, he is doing fine. However, the dementia is a different story.

As time goes by we are seeing the loss of his memory progress. Today I showed him the following picture that Brenda Martinez, Uncle Joe's daughter, sent on Facebook:

I asked him if he recognized these people. He gazed at the picture for what seemed at least a minute or two. Then he said, "I think so." He added, "They are on some program..." Finally, I pointed him out in the picture and he looked at me puzzled, looked back at the picture and he said, "I don't wear ties." When I pointed out his brother Paul, sister Noemi, and brother Joe, he just looked even more puzzled and said, "Really?"

It is so very sad to lose your memory. After all, we've lived our lives building memories and experiences that we can reflect on in our old age. But when you lose those precious memories, all you have is a shell of a life that once was.

Time Flies Whether Your having Fun or Not!

So the best thing to do is to enjoy every moment of your life! It has been a little over a month since my last post and much has happened during that period.

On Friday, July 30, Dad went to spend the weekend with Bruce and family in Redwood City, which is about 85 miles south from where we live in Santa Rosa. Drive time is about 2 hours and that requires a "rest" stop in San Francisco, which about the half-way mark. When we arrived at Bruce's we all went out to dinner at Celia's Mexican Restaurant (It is one of the closest Mexican restaurants that have San Antonio style cuisine). On Sunday Bruce and Bonnie drove Dad back to Santa Rosa and they were caught in nightmare traffic so they couldn't long to visit.

Then on August 18th Joyce flew in from San Antonio to care for Dad while Shelley and I traveled to Southern California with Tabitha and her husband Kevin. This was our first real vacation break in a few years and we really appreciated the time off! Meanwhile, Joyce was able to spend quality time with Dad. She even got him on a schedule of taking a shower every other day!

Now some behind the scenes news. On July 29th, the day before we took Dad to Bruce's place, Shelley had suffered a "mild" heart attack. She is doing fine and her doctor had cleared her for travel. However, our life has changed again. We are very aware of how things can change in the wink of an eye. Now Shelley has new medications to take, a diet to watch, and having to learn to read internal signs of what her body is telling her. Like I said at the beginning, she is doing fine and I'm proud of her positive attitude she has developed (of course some credit goes to our little vacation too).

Next week on September 9th, Dad is going to spend  about 5 days with Bruce - bonding time!

Here we are on our way back home on August 24th and it is 105 in the shade!

Words of Wisdom from Dad's Sister

Dad's "younger" sister, Noemi, wrote the following in an email: "I keep telling my three kids to love each other, accept each other and always stay close to each other so that when they get old like us, they won't have any regrets and say like so many people do, 'IF only I had done such and such or IF only I had been like such and such'."

Yes, I'm sure that counsel is familiar to us all, yet why do we find it so difficult to heed? I remember on the aftermath of 9/11 hearing similar words. Everyone was examining what was really important in life because one never knows what will happen tomorrow. Family, friends, relationships took to the forefront of what is important in life. However, as time passed, family, friends, and relationships have once again taken a back seat to the unimportant things in life. Let's not wait for another tragedy to bring family and friends together. Let's encourage, support and love one another and follow Aunt Noemi's words of wisdom!

Picture on the left: David (Dad) & Noemi. Picture on the right: Noemi, Paul, David, Rachel, Rebecca, and Joe (Brothers & Sisters).

Share Your It's Not Fun Getting Old Stories

I invite all you friends and family out there in cyber land to send me your personal stories about our experiences getting old. We'd love to hear stories about what you've heard from our parents, especially now since they are all in their 70s and 80s. I know my Dad is starting to mix up his remembrances with a little fact and a lot of fiction.

Being so much older now, I have especially fond memories of being a kid at Grandma & Grandpa's house. Here are a few pics to jog your memory. Thanks to Aunt Noemi for sending the pictures.

Those were the days!

Email me pics and stories or just post your thoughts on the comments section.

What's the Difference Between a Good Day & a Bad Day?

Perhaps the biggest difference is my attitude. When I'm tired and feel the futility of Dad's dementia, I send out vibes that I'm angry or upset (and I am and he senses it). When I focus on what the disease is doing and how it is controlling Dad, I realize what's happening is not an intentional  act on Dad's part to make our life miserable. The dementia causes him to live in a constant state of confusion. So being understanding and compassionate with Dad helps to make it a good day.

Dad has his good and bad days. Sometimes it is hard to tell which is which. On a good day you can get him to laugh and joke; on a bad day he sleeps and when he is awake he has a confused look (you can see it in his eyes).

A good day looks like this:

A bad day looks like this:

So in order to have more good days, I need to have a positive attitude regardless of how the dementia is affecting Dad.

What are your thoughts when your doorbell rings at 2:50 in the morning?

July 1, 2010

Early this morning at approximately 2:50 a.m. I was startled awake when I heard the doorbell ring. I jumped out of bed in an anxious state because when someone is ringing your doorbell in the early morning hours you know it's probably bad news. I reluctantly peeked out the window hoping I wouldn't see police officers coming to inform me of some tragic event. Instead, it was Dad standing at the front door!

I quickly unlocked AND unlatched the door to let him inside. He said to me as he entered the apartment, "I must have locked myself out." and pointing to the carport he asked, "Is that your car?" Still half asleep I demanded to know what he was doing outside at almost 3:00 in the morning! Then it dawned on me, "How did he come to be outside when the door was locked from the inside?!!" I quickly went to the back door to find it completely secured and locked. I then check his bedroom window to find it also secured. Completely puzzled, I quizzed Dad, hoping he might remember something (he didn't). I got him back to bed by 3:10 a.m. and I laid in bed till 4:00 trying to figure out how he got out and how the heck did the door lock and latch get set from the inside! I ran every possible scenario with Shelley and nothing makes sense.

This feeling of nothing making sense must be what it's like for Dad everyday! I hope the rest of the day turns out better.