Family Visits with Dad - Then & Now

Yes, I know, another blog update. This one, however, features family visits with Dad (in-person or by phone) within the last 30 days. One set of photos were taken at his nursing home recently and the "older" photos are probably how Dad may see us in his mind.

Granddaughter Tabitha, her husband Kevin,
and great-granddaughter Venice

Kevin, Tabitha & Dad 2006 in San Antonio

Joeann holding phone with her Dad,
Joe, talking to his brother, my Dad

Uncle Joe - way back in the day

Dad with niece Joeann, husband Miguel,
and daughters Maya & Emma

Me talking with Dad

Tabitha, holding her daughter Venice,
speaking with Dad

Shelley, Tabitha & Me - 1977

Me holding phone so Joyce can hear Dad's voice

Joyce many, many, many years ago

Joeann holding phone with her sister
Brenda on the line in San Antonio

Joeann, Laura & Brenda

Everyone watching Dad talking to his brother Joe

Fading Memories

One of the benefits of aging is having collected a lifetime of wonderful memories that make us smile or laugh at the things we no longer do. However, as we age our memories begin to fade or they just don't come to mind as they once did. Fading memories accelerate when a loved one is in the grips of Alzheimer's. Witnessing a loved one's memories fade is tragic and sobering. We realize it could happen to us.

Here are some of my Dad's memories of times gone by:

My Dad with his parents walking in downtown San Antonio, Texas in the late 1930s.

Here is a photo of Dad taken in 1968 when he played for the San Antonians,
a softball team that toured New Zealand in February of that year. 

Dad and Joyce. Can you tell what year it is by the hairstyles and glasses?

Dad had this studio photo taken in the early 80s.

Here is Dad today. His memories are the "here and now" with "bits and pieces" of the past.

November Happenings with Dad

November 2013 is now a memory. Here are some of the happenings we shared with Dad during the month.

November 16th (from my journal): "Our visit with Dad went well. He was awake and dressed but in bed when we arrived. His dinner tray was on his table but he didn't seem to have eaten much. With some encouragement and help he ate more. Called Joyce but she was sick and couldn't talk long."

November 21: Quarterly Care Meeting was held today. Since Shelley and I could not attend in person we had a phone conference instead with the staff. However, Tabitha and Venice were able to attend in person and that was a great help!

Dad is doing well considering how the Alzheimer's is slowly advancing. We agreed to take turns paying for Dad's podiatry care because his insurance covers the care every 60 days and he needs it to be done every 30 days. We also agreed to buy him some new slippers since his original shoes have somehow disappeared (we wrote his name on the new shoes to hopefully avoid "getting lost"). All our concerns were addressed.

After the meeting Tabitha and Venice visited with Dad. Dad loves children and especially babies. He always has a big smile for Venice, his great-granddaughter, when she visits. This time, however, Dad started to cry, which resulted in Venice crying too. Tabitha explained to Dad that if he stopped crying so would Venice. It worked! They both stopped crying.

November 24th: Lunch with Dad. Shelley, Tabitha, Venice and I enjoyed a two-hour lunch with Dad. Here is a short video of our luncheon.

Thanks for reading and watching!

An Eventful October

Long gone is the annual early morning call on the 11^th from Dad, taking advantage of the two hour time difference between Texas and California. Also gone are intact memories of family, friends and the events that he cherished. Now his days fluctuate between aggressive anger to uncontrollable crying with moments of laughter.

However, our visit with Dad on Saturday the 12^th, he outwardly seemed his old self. He was in a good mood, smiling as we entered his room. He wasn't quite sure who we were but he was happy to see us. This was a good time to call his daughter Joyce so she too could experience Dad’s good mood. After talking with Joyce he remained receptive to talking so I called his son Bruce. They talked and laughed. Then he got tired so we left. It was a good day and visit for us all.

Dad’s Visit to the Dentist

Ten days later, Dad had a scheduled dentist appointment for a tooth extraction. Shelley and I went to the nursing home before his 11:00 a.m. appointment to make sure everything was in order and see what kind of mood he was in. Previous dentist visits have taken place at the nursing home and at the last visit he became very aggressive to the point where the exam could not be completed. This time he would be transported by ambulance to the dentist office the next town up the 101 in Novato.  I had a restless night trying to plan for every possible scenario we might have to deal with. That was futile.

When we arrived at the nursing home, Dad was dressed, sitting in his wheelchair in the main dining room with other residents. I went in to see how he was doing and I got the now typical, “Who are you?” look. I just started talking as if we’d been talking for a while. As we were talking, he was looking at someone across the room. I could tell something was up as he locked on the person with an angry look. Dad yelled across the room, “What are you looking at?” Everyone in the dining room looked at Dad. To diffuse the situation I told Dad, “He’s looking at you because you have a pretty face.” Dad instantly started laughing and everyone went back to whatever they were doing. Confrontation averted.

The ambulance arrived and the two paramedics worked well with Dad getting him onto the gurney but, upon arrival at the dentist office, Dad started getting upset. He wouldn't let them take the seat-belt off, he yelled, “Get your hand off there!” The paramedics asked Shelley to come help him calm down. Shelley first said, “Dad you have to let go.” He just looked at her with a frightened look. Then Shelley said, “David, you need to let go so they can help you.” And he did but kept complaining that it was cold. It was quite a process for the paramedics to get him from the gurney to the wheelchair then on to the dentist chair. Shelley held his hand through the ordeal, while I was handling the paperwork at the reception desk. Shelley stayed with Dad up to when the IV was administered with the anesthesia. Then the dentist took over. Dad was so scared.

 

Shelley trying to wake Dad after the procedure.

The procedure went well and Dad slowly woke up from the anesthesia. The paramedics got him ready for the return trip to the nursing home. It was exhausting!

Four days later we visited Dad. He seemed very agitated and confused. His laughing/crying moments bordered on hysterical at times. I called Joyce but their conversation was difficult. Dad was very distracted. A little later he showed signs of not wanting visitors so we said good night and left his room. A few seconds later, while we were in the lobby, we could hear Dad babbling loudly. It was very distressful but that is what life is like when a loved one is dealing with Alzheimer’s.  

Dad showing us the butter.

Dad's "Robin Williams" smile for the camera.

Talking to Joyce.

Laughing with Joyce.

Me getting tired holding the phone while talking to Joyce.

An nursing home "Oh well" -
Dad's dinner order states, dislikes green beans.
Notice what he got with his dinner.
Oh well...

Four Generations

On Thursday, August 22, we met with the Pine Ridge staff that takes care of Dad for our regular Quarterly Care Meeting. Considering all Dad is dealing with, he is doing quite well. He is eating most of his meals and often eats in the dining room with other residents. He is maintaining his weight at about 130 lbs. He is mobile in a special wheel chair and he looks good.

After the meeting, four generations visited and Dad met one of his six great-granddaughters for the first time. Dad was in a fairly good mood but, as you will see in the video, he has moments where he has a blank look or stare, like he is lost somewhere in time. Enjoy the video and thanks for your interest in following my Dad's battle with Alzheimer's.

Dad with Tabitha and Venice

Dad Turned 85 This Year!

Two months have flashed by since my last update! Time...a valuable and limited resource. For my Dad, time is but fragments of a full life he once knew. He no longer knows what year or day it is; all he knows is that something is wrong. "I don't know what's happening," he says every time we visit him. Yet, there are many positives! He still smiles, laughs, frowns, gives a certain roommate the "evil eye," cries (he cries a lot), enjoys eating, gets caught up in an infomercial, argues, and thanks us for visiting.

Here are some of my journal entries since my last post:

June 1: Dad's was not in a good mood when we arrived and he stayed that way throughout our visit. He was upset that I took is his picture. I called Joyce and he started to weep. He kept closing his eyes, I thinks he wants us to go away.

June 12: We arrived around 5:30 p.m., just before his dinner arrived. I didn't get a welcoming smile, just a mean, serious stare. I just talked to him as if we'd been talking all day. We help him with his dinner and leave..."Be careful" he says.

June 19: Today Dad turned 85 and I stopped by to see him before leaving for Portland, Oregon. It is very early in the morning and Dad is sleeping. I just watch him, give him a kiss and leave.

July 9: Had a great visit with Dad. When Shelley entered the room he greeted her as "mija." He was very talkative too. I called Aunt Noemi (his sister) and they spoke and cried. This was an "as good as it gets visit!"

Such is life with Dad these days and I'm happy that I still have him!

Here is a short video of Dad's early life and later years:

He Knows We Are Family

Whenever I visit Dad I am usually greeted with a look of confusion and defensiveness in his body language. I see the confusion in his eyes as he tries to figure out who I am. His defensiveness is reflected in his readiness to argue or fight with me (hands in a fist). However, once I start talking to him his face slowly becomes relaxed and his attitude begins to soften. He may not remember my name or my relationship to him, but he knows I'm family.

Over the years since Alzheimer's taken hold of his memory, I have been his father, uncle, cousin, and son, usually in that order. When he looks at Shelley, my wife, he tends to treat her like a nurse or CNA at first. When I ask him if he'd like me to call his daughter for a chat, he responds with, "my daughter?" Yet within minutes of conversation, he begins to speak with ease and will use terms like, "mija" or "mijo" and that's why I believe he knows we are family.

Here are some photos from our visit yesterday evening (May 11, 2013):

Dad making me laugh while talking with Joyce.

Dad checking out what's going on down the hall.

Dad smiling for Joyce.

Dad looking out the window watching cars go by saying,
"There goes another one!" or  " They sure go fast."

Shelley thinking, "Will you stop taking my photo!"

These birds joined in our conversation to which Dad said,
"Shut up!"