Dad Says, "Thank You God."

When I visited Dad yesterday, he was asleep when I entered his room. So I stood there and watched him sleep and slowly his eyes opened up and he softly said, "Thank you God."

I asked him what he was thanking God for and he said, "That you came to see me." I smiled and we started talking, well, I asked leading questions to get him to talk. Then he said, "Help me God." I asked him what he needed God to help him with and he said, "Everything."

For the last few weeks Dad is eating less and less. He is just not interested in eating or he'll say nothing tastes right and won't eat. I scheduled yesterday's visit to be there when lunch is served so I could encourage or help him eat. He only ate three small bites the grilled fish, two bites of the noodles, and two bites of the sweetened chopped apple. He did, however, drink 90% of the milk. The nurse said they were waiting for a doctor's order to give him an appetite stimulant to see that that might help him eat more.

Dad is also undergoing some blood and urinalysis tests to see what else might be going on. I should have the results in a couple of days.

During my visit I made a short video of Dad greeting his family. You might have to turn up the volume as he speaks softly and there is a lot of background noise.

 Thanks for reading and watching!

Time for Reflecting: Another Year Gone By

As another year comes to an end, many of us spend some time reflecting about how time has changed our lives, filled with moments of happiness and sadness. Fifty-nine years ago today, was a happy occasion for my Mom and Dad when they were married.

December 28, 1952

Their lives have changed dramatically since that day in 1952. They each lived full lives together and separately with their children and their families being the bond that brought them together for special times. Today, however, Alzheimer's has placed Mom & Dad in a time warp that takes them to moments of their lives to relive again and again. Each moment they relive becomes fragmented with other moments. Some days I can tell where they are at and at other times I cannot. It is a journey all their own and we are just observers.

The following photos are of Mom & Dad today, December 2011:

My mother Janet

My father David

Of the two years of blogging, this update has been the most difficult with tears blurring my writing. As I look at the photos of Mom and Dad of today, I reflect on their lives and the lessons learned.

What will you make of your 2012?

Enjoying a Feast with Dad at Pine Ridge Care Center

On Sunday, November 20, 2011 the Pine Ridge Care Center, Dad's home, invited the families of all their residents for a special feast.

The staff and their families made the entire feast enjoyable for all by serving everyone and making sure all were having a great time.

Here is a short video where a violinist is playing a familiar tune (especially for all my Texas family and friends) and shows Dad making his entrance. When the video begins to wave a bit it is because Dad is hugging me.

Here are some photos of the event:

Shelley, me & Dad.

Shelley, Dad's CNA, & Dad.

Waiting for the word to begin serving!

Dad digs into his meal.

See the sparkling cider on the left? Dad had 6 glasses!

One of the nurses that takes care of Dad.

Staff getting ready to serve.

Getting ready.

Ed, Dad's roommate.

The Executive Director standing behind two residents.

Kelli, the Social Services Director, and her son getting ready to serve everyone.

A Visit for a Smile or a Laugh: Well Worth the Effort

It is not easy to visit a nursing home when your parents are residents for the long term. It's heartbreaking to watch them forget all that was once their treasure chest of precious memories of a life long lived. It is also very depressing to think about their future as we know how it ends. But, that is the reality of life...

...Yet with all the sadness there are moments of happiness. Since they live in the moment, whatever we do with them at the time is all that matters. To tell them a story or a joke, to see them smile or hear them laugh out loud, well that's what it is all about. They may be confused, lost, and sad but when we are with them, at that moment in time, they know you are family and you care and that makes every visit well worth the effort.

Our visit with Dad on November 14, 2011

A smile for the family 

Shelley & Dad

Me & Dad

Shelley talking to the birds

Insight into Dad's the Inner World

Lately Dad just wants to sleep. No matter what time of day I visit, he is always mostly sleeping when I arrive. Most of the time I will try and wake him up, but there have been a few occasions where he just resists and so I leave him alone and let him sleep.

Interestingly, when I am able to wake him up and get a conversation going, he gives me some clues into the inner world of his mind. Sometimes I'll ask what he's done that day and he'll respond by saying, "I'm not sure but I did some exercising, I think I went for a run." Almost every question I ask him will begin with, "I'm not sure, but..." 

At times, when we are sitting in one of the visiting areas, I'll notice how he is lost in thought and I'll ask, "What are you thinking?" Over the last few visits he has responded with numerous answers such as, "I'm wondering how many miles it is to San Antonio?" or "I wonder how long it took me to finish that slab (as he is pointing to the patio)?"

Then there are times when we walk around the facility and workers and residents alike will greet him by name. I'll comment to Dad that everyone seems to know him and he"ll just smile and say, "I have no idea who they are." One nurse called Dad "Mr. Fast-Pitch," obviously because Dad must have told stories about his days as a softball pitcher. But when I ask Dad how the nurse knew about him being a pitcher, he said, "They read it in the newspaper."

As Dad's dementia progresses, I can see how most of his living is taking place in his inner world where fragments of his past occupy his mind, while in the outer world he just sleeps.

Dad sleeping when I arrived today.

Dad giving me "the look" because I woke him up.

Three Calls & A Visit

You never know what your day will be like when you have a parent with Alzheimer's. Thursday, September 22nd was a confusing day for Dad. On that day he made three calls to us and we made a visit with him. Here's what happened...

First Call
That morning Shelley received a call from a nurse at the nursing home. The nurse asked if Shelley was his daughter and Shelley replied that she is his daughter-in-law. The nurse said, "Well, he's asking to speak with Shelley, so here he is." When Dad got on the phone, Shelley asked Dad how he was. Dad replied, "Where are you?" Shelley asked what was wrong and Dad said, "I'm here at the hotel where you left me and I'm waiting for you to come get me. I don't have any money and can't find my car keys." Shelley reassured him and told him not to worry and we would see him soon.

Second Call
Later in the early afternoon, I received a call from Dad. When I answered the phone he said, "Where are you? I'm here at the theater and I don't know how to get home." I started to panic thinking that somehow Dad   had managed to leave the nursing home undetected, even though he does wear an alert bracelet, and manged to walk a mile to the mall nearby where the theaters are located. When I finally figured out he was still at the nursing home, I asked what was wrong. His reply made no sense whatsoever so I asked him to just go lay down in his room and told him I would see him later in the evening. He said, "Okay."

A Visit
In the early evening Shelley and I went for our visit with Dad. He was in a good and talkative mood but had no recollection of his previous calls (of course we knew wouldn't). When we visit Dad, we have to prompt him with questions to get him talking, this visit he needed no prompting and just talked away. The sad thing was we had no clue what he was talking about. We understood some fragments of the conversation but there was no context for providing a clear picture of the conversation. However, what made this visit memorable was that not only was he in a talkative mood, but everything was funny and he laughed a lot too (no, there was no change to his medications).

Here is one sampling of our conversation and humor during the visit. We were laughing about something when I pointed to Shelley and asked, "Do you know who she is?" He looked over to her, started laughing again and said, "No, I'm not too sure who she is but she is too white!" We all just kept laughing, while Shelley gave him another cookie (we usually bring him cookies when we visit).

Third Call
After our visit with Dad that evening, I received another call from the nursing home around 10:30 p.m. The nurse that called asked if I would speak with Dad to help calm him down as he was very confused and agitated. When I spoke with Dad he wanted to know when I was coming to get him to take him home. I tried to reassure him that he was where he supposed to be but he kept saying he didn't know where he was. I told him to ask the nurse to take him to his room to lay down and that I would be by to see him soon. He said, "No, I'm just going to sit here and wait for you." I told him okay but if he got tired to go lay down. He said, "Okay."

It has been a week now since that Thursday and there have been no phone calls. I did visit him again yesterday evening and he seemed fine and so we had our usual visit.

Before I go...
I want to share some educational and encouraging resources with you all about Alzheimer's and how we can better cope with it. Here are some links to articles I believe are worth reading/viewing. Please let me know what you think.

Moments to Forget - Coping with Alzheimer's, Dementia, and Short Term Memory Loss

Alzheimer's Journey 6: As a Caregiver, Take Care of Yourself

I will be posting more links on future blog posts.

No Way To Know OR Know Way To No - It's All In Our Mindset

Am I getting a bit too philosophical? Perhaps, but that is what happens when I have too much to think about. As I monitor my parents progression into the darkness and emptiness of the Alzheimer's cavern, I somberly reflect on what is happening to them, me, and my loved ones.

One mindset is "no way to know," that is whether I or my siblings are doomed to face the same sentence, after all look at the odds. This is a reactive approach, as the tendency  is to deal with the problem as it occurs. Fatalistic if you ask me.

The other mindset is "know way to no," or no-way will I let this get the best of me. I need to "know" as much information as possible to live a healthy and happy "mode de vie." Daily I must cultivate a mindset that responds with an emphatic "No!" to Alzheimer's. The only control I have is my own attitude or mindset as to how I address life's issues: proactively or re-actively, positively or negatively, resigned or determined.

I am determined in making my parents remaining lucidity as comforting as possible. I know that each time I speak to them (mom on the phone or dad in person) I try to live in their moment. To be empathetic to their concerns and comfort them. I will sit with dad and help him enjoy his meal by cutting his food into manageable pieces and reflect on other meals we enjoyed together. With mom, I listen to her trying to communicate her fears to me and respond to the desperation in her voice. I try to calm them and reassure them, for the moment at least, and then be prepared to do it all over again on the next visit. It is heartbreaking, but such is the reality of life. This we know, but we can all say NO! to letting it get the best of us and realize we are making the most of our lives now...in this moment.

Here are some pictures of recent visits with Dad:

Shelley help dad by cutting his food.
He doesn't always remember  when to use the proper utensil.

Here he is, with a big smile, waiting to see his doctor. 

These are the parakeets that are constantly chirping away when
I visit dad. He says those birds were the same ones that bothered
him when he finished the courtyard slab he says he worked on
many years ago. I just let believe what he wants to.